So, Mum hung up on me again tonight. At 22, I feel pathetic that my mum can still make me so upset. She’s one tough bitch, and I didn’t inherit any of those genes.
She makes me feel so irresponsible and unable to make mature decisions about my own life. I’m doing everything I can to keep on track and get back on the horse. It’s been almost a year since my first meltdown, 3 months since my last one, and I AM determined that I will finish my Sociology degree come November. Nutrition will just have to wait for when I’m more sane.
I could’ve pulled out of uni 2 years ago and pursue my own desires, but no, I went back to uni so that she didn’t have to look inept as a mother to our extended family and friends. She’d love them to think that we’re uptight as fuck because we’re more intelligent, educated, well to do, socially conscious and simply put, better than them. Guess what? We’re really not. One of your daughters dropped out of uni after being there for 5 years on and off and the other one is trying her goddam best to finish her degree that will take her 6 years to complete instead of 4.
Maybe I should lie to her as well, drop out now, and tell her I graduated like my sister has done. I’d love to see her face when everyone finds that out in years to come. But no, I’m doing this for myself. Mum said she doesn’t even care if she doesn’t come to my graduation.
I’m not saying that I’m not proud of my sister, because I really am! She’s done her run of figuring out what she wants to do with her life and was brave enough to try new ideas out and risk failing. At the moment, she’s really happy and I couldn’t be more supportive. I guess I want what she has, Mum off her back. The only trouble is that she got it from doing something that has a huge toll on herself emotionally - disappointing Mum so much that she no longer gave a fuck about her. Makes my stomach curl just thinking about how shitty that’d be - emotionally abandoned by your father at pretty much birth and then your mother at 21. Thank fuck we’ve got each other.
Bet you thought I was going to rant on about being all flustery over some hottie. Sorry to disappoint! I just hate it that even though I know that Mum will never ‘get it’, it still hits that same sore spot everytime she doesn’t. Sucks how lonely it makes you feel when your own mother doesn’t get you.
Cheer up, emo kid.
lol, ok don’t go as far as objectifying Asians. But I do like the comment for it’s flattery.
Whaaaaaaat? No, no, no, no.
:) don’t worry, i want one for my 23rd too! or maybe sooner. i wouldn’t complain.